Friday, December 19, 2008

The Nominations for Booze Hag Slag Fag Honours of the Year Part One



The Paul Phillips Bunny-Tail for Cutest Boy About Town:

  1. Lance Martin: A pair of specs, a little green beanie and a face straight from Pixie Land. Oh my god, and he's actually nice....It is unsure whether he's gay or straight but it doesn't matter, all we want is to dress him up and keep him at home to top up our wine glasses....
  2. Paul Phillips: dashing about on his iphone in whites and greys and light blues and a well cut trench, he has dimples you could park a car in, a cheeky giggle and swishy hair. This is what you hope for when you fork out for private school fees for your kids....
  3. Matthew Benns: A pocket-sized pretty boy of the Pacific, his long lashes and sweet, sweet face make us want to kill him with cuddles, or at the very least stick a dummy in his mouth...
The KY Jelly Cock-Ring for Mind-Bogglingly Hot Boy:

  1. Jeremy Tapsell: A five o'clock shadow, olive skin and the most shatteringly piercing eyes, topped off with a vintage trackie and a moleskin notepad. Too, too, much.
  2. Finn Andrews: Need it even be said? As tall as a giraffe and infinitely more elegant, he has that dewy finish that looks like hes about to have a really good cry. Don't worry, we'll kiss it better...
  3. Elliot Serjeant: Okay, Okay, we all knew he was hot at the beginning of the year. That beauty spot and those lips and the slightly rosy cheeks. Then fuck me if he didn't bleach his hair, get a gold tooth, and start wearing three piece checkered suits and Italian shoes. It's like Billy Idol crossed with Agyness Deyn with a really hearty dollop of Hayden Christensen. Divine.
The "Wait-a-minute-maybe-i'm-straight" Alarm Clock for Ludicrously Sexy Woman:

  1. Emma Rosenberg: In every sense the very picture of a classical beauty, she looks like she bathes every night in a golden bath of milk and honey. Add a pair of heels, put her on your arm, and you start to feel what life for Christy Turlington's husband must be like.....
  2. Kylie McKenzie: Sucker-punched cheekbones, a supernaturally Amazonian body and killer, killer outfits. It's like Cleopatra rose from the dead, but this time she's got better headpieces...
  3. Liz Maw: Platinum blond ed and bobbed, you will find her power-dressed in Gianni Versace, Christian Lacroix heels, with a diamante purse while playing the keyboard. Every iota oozes talent and confidence, and we feel like she's telling us off ever so slightly for being very, very naughty....
The Oops I Did It Again Rainbow Coloured Wig for Funnest and Most Outrageous Party Person:

  1. Meggie Mapper: An entire Disco on legs, shes sipping absinthe on the dance floor in Jimmy D, make-up kit at hand, ready to help you reapply. When shes at your side, you don't even need drugs...
  2. Julia Lomas: Construction site climbing, Indian Headresses and crushed velvet. She really doesn't care what you think, shes just there for the good times....Wanna buy her a drink? Cut the crap and make it a shot. Oh, and do you have a Line?


1 comment:

Abbey said...

Yay another kiwi :)